A lot of people think that they are in full control of their lives. They think that as long as they're making the right amount of money, live in the right part of town or otherwise enjoy the right kind of lifestyle that they are doing pretty well. In fact, a lot of people fully believe that the life that they're living is the best they could hope for.
Of course, this is just part of the picture. The other side involves their daily frustrations, their stress, pressure and the sense that somehow some way they feel stuck. How do you square the two? Well, a lot of people think that the latter is the price you pay to enjoy the former.
Believe it or not you can live life to the fullest. I know you've heard that before but you have to understand that you are giving up a lot to enjoy whatever benefits you're getting. In fact, in the big scheme of things, you probably are giving up way more than you are getting. The return on effort simply is not there.
If you want to live up to your fullest potential with a minimal amount of hassle and stress, listen up it's actually more doable than you think. In fact, you already now know how to do it. It all boils down to practicing mindfulness.
I know mindfulness is very popular in the United States, Western Europe and all points in between. There's a reason for that popularity. It's not just hype. It's not just well-renowned authors hawking their latest mindfulness book.
There's a lot more to it than the media spin. The bottom line, if you care to dig deep enough, is that it works. Mindfulness is not mysticism. It is definitely religion. Instead, it works with how your mind already operates.
The problem is most people somehow some way pick up negative mental habits that turn their minds against them. I know that sounds crazy, but that's exactly what’s happening. Instead of letting your mind work for you, you pick up all these habits along the way that make your mind work against you.
This is why it's really important to understand whether you need a mental detox or not. When you detoxify your mind, you unclench your mental muscles and let go of stuff that ultimately holds you back and drags you down.
Here are the seven signs you need a mental detox.
Do you ever walk into meetings feeling like a deer caught in headlights? It doesn’t matter how well-prepared you are. It doesn’t matter how long it took you to prepare. When the moment of truth comes, you get caught flat-footed.
Do you find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere? Even though the other person seems like a wonderful person, you just don't feel that this is it.
Do you find yourself in a job that you ultimately hate but can't let go? Are you unhappy with how you look or how much you weigh?
Well, if you put all these together and try to square it with the fact that you don't really lift a finger to change your situation, welcome to the club. Most people feel that they’re not in control that's why they feel stuck.
Let's put it this way, people who don’t feel stuck will do something about their situation. Somehow some way they will break out of that box and go somewhere else.
Unfortunately, whatever you're doing produces enough rewards to keep you there. This is not the best situation, and you know it, but you feel that everything else just takes too much effort so you feel stuck. The more you feel stuck, the less control over your life you think you have. This is not a great feeling to have.
Thankfully, there is one tried-and-proven method that will get you out of any mental box you will ever find yourself in. To take advantage of this method.
What if I told you that the moment you blame other people, you hand them power over your life? I know that sounds like quite a big claim but it's absolutely true. Think about this for a second. If somebody who you don't control caused a certain problem in your life, what happens next?
Well, since they caused the problem then this means that they will also be the solution to the problem. They have the solution in their hands. This makes all the logical sense in the world. They broke it; they should repair it. No problem.
However, here's the problem. You can’t control them. It's bad enough trying to change yourself; can you imagine trying to change other people? Even worse, a lot of people blame circumstances of the past, circumstances of their birth, and other things that they can’t control for what's going wrong in their lives.
If you find yourself always blaming others for whatever is wrong in your life, you might want to stop. You might want to realize what is truly going on. The more you do this, the more powerless you feel and become. Why? You keep handing them the ultimate responsibility for how you're feeling and how or you're coping.
I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you but the only person who can truly fix your life is you. Not your parents, not your abusive past, not your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, not your mean boss. None of that! It's you! Even if they caused the abuse. Even if they slapped you around, beat you down and crushed you. Even if they humiliated you.
You have to understand that you are still responding to what they did. You can control that response. One of the best ways to reassert this control and take ownership over your life again is to learn this simple technique. To learn one simple yet powerful.
Has this ever happened to you? You remember certain things from the past and you keep rehashing these dramatic events feeling that there’s really nothing you can do about them. Fast forward to today, do you see a lot of things going on in front of you that you are not happy with?
However, instead of stepping up and trying to change things or speaking up, you just sit back. It's kind of like a movie. Your life is playing out right in front of you in a big screen. Unfortunately, you feel like you're stuck to your seat and there’s really nothing you can do to influence what happens in the screen.
Come on, be honest. Is this how you feel about your life? Well, your life is not a movie. It's not some sort of script being acted by other people. These are people you don't know. These are people you can’t control.
No. Your life is a movie that you wrote, directed and produced. In fact, you are the main actor of your life’s movie.
Unfortunately, if you feel like you are just watching your life play out in front of you with absolutely no input on your part, you have abdicated your responsibility. You have simply given up on the fact that you have a big role to play in how your life plays out.
Just because you made a mistake in the past or several mistakes doesn’t mean that you have to continue making those same mistakes in the future. It also doesn't mean that you should just sit back and take whatever consequences flow from those mistakes. It doesn’t matter how bad things were in the past. You can still decide to turn things around today.
I know what you're saying. In fact, I know exactly what you're thinking. You're saying that this is easier said than done. You’re absolutely right. What makes it difficult is the fact that you do not step up. It’s the fact that you automatically feel that you are trapped in your circumstances and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change them.
This is a lie, and the first thing that you can choose to do is to say to yourself that my old excuses are lies. I am in control. I decide. I am in power over my life.
In the beginning it may seem like you're just making sounds with your mouth. None of it is registering. None of it is sinking in. However, the more you repeat it and the more it makes sense, the more you start to believe. Sooner or later you start acting out on it and guess what? Your life changes.
Stop looking at your life as some giant movie. It isn't. Instead, it is a video game that you control. Every move you make has a consequence. Own that consequence. Direct the outcome of all your actions.
To maximize your ability to focus and achieve the reality that you desire.
My grandfather used to tell me there are only two types of people in this world: the ones who make things happen and the ones who go around asking “What happened?”
Do you keep asking yourself what happened? Come on, you can be honest now. When you think about your past and there are all sorts of traumatic or painful memories, do you ask yourself that question?
When you look at what you're doing and you know that you are capable of so much more but you feel stuck, do you ask yourself that question? When you look at your relationships and you are unhappy in some way or other, do you ask yourself what happened? Finally, when you look at the mirror and you are unhappy with your appearance, your weight or anything else about you, do you ask yourself this question?
Well, if you do, welcome to the club. A lot of people ask that question and this because they have totally given up on their personal power over their lives. I know you probably did not want to hear that. I know that's probably the kind of thing that you least expected to hear, but you need to hear that.
You have to understand that everybody falls into the first category described by my grandfather. We are all capable of making things happen. It is a tragedy that only a small fraction of the population actually steps up and does it.
Most people would rather take the path of least resistance and do what comes natural or what comes easy. They then have to pick up the pieces and live with what's left over. It gets old.
I understand that you're afraid. I understand that you'd rather not put in the work, the time or the effort. Hey, welcome to the club. We're all creatures of comfort and convenience.
However, if you want the reality, the rich, fulfilling and happy reality that you've always desired for yourself and your loved ones, you need to take a risk. You need to sacrifice. You need to commit. All these things are uncomfortable to a lot of people.
Unfortunately, if you find yourself constantly asking “What happened to me? What happened to my life? What happened to that guy?”, you've given up on your power to achieve the exact reality you want for yourself. You have taken the shortcut. You have taken the easy path. You have shrunk back from your ultimate responsibility to yourself.
I know this is inconvenient. It's definitely uncomfortable on so many levels but it's also the truth.
Thankfully, there is one simple technique that you can start on today that will light a spark in your life that can lead you to a more powerful and direction-driven existence.
Let me tell you the only group of people more annoying than those who have a blind faith in the future are people who live in the past. It's very easy to live in the past. Seriously. While you're going through life and doing certain things, you feel that you're not really doing the best. You feel that what you're achieving is okay but not exactly the best.
However, once that timeframe passes and you look back after a few years, you say to yourself, “Oh, those were the best years of my life.” Well, you didn't think that those years were the best of your life when you were living through them but now here you are, looking back with nostalgia.
Well, I can relate because when I was in college, my friends used to always go camping. We used to go to a lot of parties, and I thought that this was okay but I'd rather get better grades. I'd rather prepare myself for a nice career after college.
But now, several years later¸ it’s very tempting for me to look back on those years and say that they were the best years of my life. However, I also fully know that when I do that and I feel those emotions, I'm just escaping. Seriously.
Several years after college, you will have to get a job. You will probably be raising a family. You will be responsible for your family’s welfare. You have to put food on the table. You have to take care of things around the house. You have to pay a mortgage. You know the drill. The list is quite endless actually.
If you find yourself in that situation, then it's very easy to look at times in the past where you didn't have those responsibilities. Do you see how this works? Of course, you're tempted to think that your college years were the best years of your life because you didn’t have to pay insurance. You didn't have to worry about tax brackets, 401(k) plans, retirement, car payments or credit card bills.
Unfortunately, this is all an illusion. Believe it or not your best years are the years you’re enjoying right here, right now. That’s what you should be focused on.
If you are a parent of young kids, if you don't savor that moment, guess what? When you close your eyes and you open them again, they’re fully grown. They have a place of their own. They probably have families of their own or they're doing their thing. Then you’re stuck to thinking, “Oh, those times when I was stressing out about everything but my kids were growing up, those were the best years of my life.”
This is a pointless game because as you move closer and closer to retirement, every single decade of your life looks like it was the very best decade when you look back. Stop using the past to deal with anxieties of the present. Instead, savor, enjoy and embrace the present moment.
If you want to know one simple technique that will enable you to really master this skill and ability.
When people worry about the future, they're really worried about theories. They really are. I’m not talking about the kind of theory your college professor or high school teacher describes on a blackboard. I'm talking about imagining alternative realities. I’m talking about constantly thinking of “What if this happens or what if that happens?”
Now, just like the next guy, I'm excited about critical thinking. I’m excited about theoretical thinking. Most intelligent people are.
However, oftentimes, we get ahead of ourselves. We really do. When we think about the future, we don't think in terms of probability. Instead, we think of worst-case scenarios. Oftentimes, we think in terms of our worst emotional impulses.
If that's the case, what do you think the result would be? It's predictable. It's always the end of the world. You end up feeling like you're jumping from one crisis to the next. It never ends.
This is why it's really important to stop thinking about the future the wrong way. I'm not saying that you should stop thinking about the future. That would be irresponsible. You would have to still think about your retirement. You would still have to think about paying your debts, your bills, making sure the people you’re responsible for are happy and well-taken care of. That's not going to go away.
What I'm talking about is your obsession with the worst-case scenario because when the future scares you, what you're really doing is you're reading into it all your insecurities and fears. That's not right because you're just making things harder on yourself. As you probably already know, life is already challenging as it is. There's no need to add more fuel to the fire.
Do yourself a big favor. Practice this one technique that enables you to see things in greater perspective.
What if I told you that the world's richest man, Bill Gates, can easily make himself feel miserable with just one simple trick? Give up? Here's the answer. He can compare his basketball skills to that of Michael Jordan’s. That is guaranteed misery.
That's how incredibly powerful comparing yourself to others is. If you want to feel lousy, inadequate, incomplete and even worthless, simply compare yourself to other people.
The problem with comparing yourself to others is that you almost always never line up your best with what they have. You almost always never line up the awesome things that you have going for yourself with the worst things they have going for themselves. Instead, you do this out of envy, and if you compare yourself out of envy, you will always end up with the short end of the stick.
That's how it works. Obviously, you're not going to compare what's awesome in your life to what's wrong with somebody’s life because there's no point in that. You know the answer. You come out on top.
You’re envious so you do the reverse. When you do this you, you’re just beating yourself up. You really are. Worse yet, you are reducing your personal power when you do this. You really are.
First of all, you make yourself feel inadequate. You keep repeating that message to yourself, “Look you only have a BMW; that guy has a Ferrari. There’s something wrong with you. You're not working hard enough. Maybe you're lazy. Maybe you’re just stupid.”
“Look he has a model wife and your wife looks like a pile of trash that caught fire. Maybe you're just an ugly bastard.”
Do you see how this works? It's a losing proposition. It doesn't make sense to line up your worst or the things that you think you lack and somebody’s best.
Another corrosive effect of constantly comparing yourself to others out of envy is its impact on your gratitude. You have to understand that your sense of gratitude is your secret weapon.
It re-centers your world. It reminds you that you are not the center of the world, and you have no business feeling like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. This goes a long way in preventing depression, anxiety and a whole host of other problems.
When you keep comparing yourself to others, it always comes back to what you're missing. It always comes back to what you desire and want instead of what you already have and could be grateful for.
Finally, when you always compare yourself to others, you engage in a habitual mental process that makes it harder and harder for you to compare yourself to yourself. That's really what you should be doing.
Compare yourselves to your ideals. If you're making a hundred thousand dollars this year, what is the ideal that you set for yourself? Compete with that, not with your neighbor who makes north of two million dollar a year.
You already know the result of that competition. There's no need to unnecessarily beat yourself up. Focus on whether you are living up to your highest standards.
Thankfully, there is one fairly easy solution to all of this. If you can have a habit of comparing yourself to others, it may be due to focus.
Pay attention to the seven signs above. If any of them applies to you or comes close to applying to you, listen up. This is a warning. Red flags should appear in your mind. You're not on the right path. Keep it up and things will only get worse and worse.
Do yourself a big favor. Understand that there is a solution. It's not complicated. It's not expensive. It's not some sort of mystical other solution. Instead, the solution is locked inside your mind already. In fact, you’re already using it, but the problem is you’re using it in such a way that it works against you.
